Pint of Oil
by WhimsicalMayhem
Summary: Clank and Nefariuos are in a bar, and Nefariuos has some intereseting things to say. One-shot, no slash unless you are REALLY looking for if; and if you find it, then I swear I didnt put it there. Rated T for several reasons.


**Pint of Oil**

**Blah, blah, I don't own Ratchet and Clank or any of the characters...**

**This actually was supposed to be #6 of one of those 10 iPod shuffle fic thingies I was doing, but I just couldn't stop writing after the song had ended. This would only half explain the reason that A) They are in a bar in the first place and B) Why there is a seemingly random allusion to Qwark cross- dressing as nurse Shannon. The point is, this came to me in a flaming bolt of inspiration...no matter how messed up in the head I had to be for it to appear. I bet there's an achievement for that.**

**I'm sorry if I make Nefarious seem...OOC in this, but I had no guidelines to really go by to decide what he would do in this position. So, I got by as best I could. I'm still really not sure if robots can get drunk, but I assumed the thick oil they drink does something to their processing units or something like that. The logic seems solid anyways.**

**Now, onto the slightly skewered story.**

Clank inched away from his present company.

Qwark was...elsewhere (as nurse Shannon-he shuddered at the thought) and Ratchet had gone to get some rest. The rest of the bar patrons were generally ignoring them; Octonok Cay _was _a fishing town, and there was nothing scared fisherman liked to do more than drink. Which left just him and Nefarious.

And Nefarious was...in an inebriated state of mind.

The Dr was on his fourth pint of oil and with every one he would become more withdrawn; he had even stated to mumble to himself. He was really starting to scare Clank. Ratchet had told him to keep an eye on the robotic villain - and even if he hadn't Clank really couldn't leave him in this state and still have a clear conscious- but the more Nefarious drank the more he seemed to want to be left to his own devices.

Clank, seeing that this situation had gone on for far too long for his liking, stopped Nefarious from ordering another pint.

"I think you have had quite enough Dr...maybe a bit too much if I am any judge. Please stop."

The Dr scoffed a slurred scoff, but did not order another drink. Clank was surprised at the fact that he had even listened to him, nonetheless obeyed.

"I suppose -*hic*- I should thank you." Nefarious managed. Clank jumped, startled by the sudden verbal contact.

"For what Dr?"

"T' stop me fr'm drink'in more. Knowing Lawrence, he would have-" Nefarious stopped abruptly, shaking his head, which threw him off balance and caused him to clutch the table to steady himself. Then he let out a dark laugh.

"Not like he's here anymore anyways. Good riddance to him! So much for loyalty, eh?" Nefarious hiccupped.

"Dr, now I am almost positive you have had too much to drink. If you will allow me, I can show you to your room so you can get some rest-" started Clank, but was interrupted when Nefarious slammed his empty pint onto the table and lurched forward at Clank. Their faces were almost touching and the tiny robot nearly retched at the smell of so much oil.

"Such a _good_ robot. So many _manners_. Bet you got those going on all those adventures, huh? Well while you live the charmed life, some of us had to work our way up tooth and nail! Do you _know_ how I became a Doctor? Because it had nothing to do with intelligence! Do you want to know how I _procured _the knowledge to be able to work on both squishies and robots alike? _Do you?_"

The Dr's eyes were blazing with a passionate rage that made Clank cower back against his seat. Although the topic had sprang from the robotic lips of a drunken evil mastermind, the morbid questions begged for the answers in the small bot's sister board; even if Clank himself really, really didn't want to know.

Nefarious, finally recognizing the surprised and horror-stricken face of his robot companion backed off and slumped back into his seat. To Clank he looked tired and weary; something he had never seen on the villain before.

"But that is none of your concern." the Dr finished in a tired voice. "I think I'll -*hic*-retire to my room."

And he did, stumbling and bumbling up and to the stairs. On the third step up he tripped. Instead of cracking his jaw on the hard step, however, he was jerked upright, a three fingered mechanical hand on his elbow.

"Dr, please allow me." came Clanks voice. Nefarious _did_ allow Clank to guide him up the stairs, much to Clanks gratitude. He wouldn't have left any of his friends in this position without assistance, which meant that he could leave Nefarious either. When they got to the Dr's room, Clank gently eased Nefarious onto the bed. The villain settled himself among the covers and snuggled up in them violently, as if he had some personal vendetta with them for being so comfortable. Clank, turning off the lights, was about to exit the room when he heard his voice being called.

"Yes Dr?"

"You didn't really know your parents very well...did you?"

"Not especially, no."

"Good."

"Please explain Dr."

"Parents are a pain. They only leave broken hearts and empty memories. 'Mom' left, 'Dad' died. Good riddance to the both of them. You're better off without them kid."

"Dr, I believe you should stop talking and get some sleep. I do not wish for you to divulge something to me that you would not wish for me to know."

Nefarious scoffed and mumbled something like _'_always _so_ polite' before going quiet. Clank took that as his cue to leave and did just that. He stood outside the doorway a moment, considering all that had transpired between him and his less-than-sane comrade. The bot only came to one conclusion, which he voiced to Ratchet when he entered the room they were sharing.

"We are never going to a bar again."

Ratchet nodded. "Second that pal, second that."

**FIN**


End file.
